Dear Heartbroken,
I'm terribly sorry to hear you're experiencing this and I know first hand how painful breakups can be. Five years is quite sometime to be spending with someone (especially when you think this is your forever person) and it's entirely normal to feel like you've lost a huge part of yourself as we can become enmeshed with our long term partners.
According to neuroscience, the withdrawals you feel post breakup is similar to withdrawing from an addiction, and the emotional pain is similar to that of the physical pain of having a broken bone!
Questions such as what was to what is, and what if to what now, are going to be taking the front seat of your mind for awhile.
However, I want to assure you that this sadness and despair will ease with time -- and you'll soon rediscover yourself again.
Whilst each of our processes and experiences differ, the stages of grief still applies to everyone.
👇🏽 HERE'S WHAT THE STAGES LOOK LIKE👇🏽
Image Copyright @DearDiliya | The Raw Academy
As cliche as this may sound, and I'm sure you've heard this before, healing isn't linear and there is no outcome or end point that you have to strive for. Taking each day as it is, is a progress in itself. Just like the graph above, there'll be days you're on a high and some in the lows, as such there'll be days when you'll feel hopeful and forward looking, and then feeling down in the dumps again the next day.
And sometimes, you'll feel BOTH in the same day, and that's perfectly fine too -- because you can feel TWO emotions at time!
You can feel hopeful yet angry.
You can feel relieved and disappointed.
You can even feel happy and sad too at the same time.
You're only human and you're allowed to feel whatever you need to!
However... understanding these emotional experiences instead of identifying with them is what's going to help you heal -- and what I mean by that is for each disempowering emotion you feel throughout your healing journey, there is something to learn about yourself. Not your ex, but YOU.
Understand the difference between I am sad, and I FEEL sad.
One is identification with the emotion, the latter is an awareness and acknowledgement of the feelings.
Turning your pain into power, and alchemising them into wisdom is going to help you ACCEPT and MOVE FORWARD.
Also notice how I used the word move forward instead of move on? That's because life pushes on and moves forward irregardless of our circumstances. Rough, I know...
Listen, it's OK if you don't feel ready to move forward from the person you've lost, so take your time and go at a pace you're comfortable with. And truth be told, you have lost a part of you because we all leave parts of us with those who enter and leave our lives.
Some enter our lives for us to show them how to love themselves, and some others enter our lives to teach us to love ourselves.
We're either others lesson or they are ours -- and no one can choose this narrative, except you.
Here's my top 3 advice for you:-
- Your way out is through and this means having to go inwards and reflect on how you showed up in that relationship. It'll be uncomfortable for awhile but you'll come out the other side with light on the experience and knowing how your future ideal relationship would look and partner to be like.
- Moving your body is also important while you're healing as it helps in releasing the trauma. Go for a walk, get a run in, dance or hit the gym -- you NEED to move your body. This is a non-negotiable if you don't want your emotional body to be frozen in time. (HMU if you need more clarification on this.)
- With the time and energy you now have on your hands, invest and dive into things you love and are interested in, or have always wanted to explore but was never able to. This is the time to prioritize your mental and emotional well-wellbeing by doing things that brings joy to your heart, mind, body and soul.
As you take one day at a time focusing on you, move through each day with patience, kindness and compassion for yourself as how you would for a friend -- I promise you'll find peace and joy again within.
Sending you all the love and beautiful things that life has to offer!
My warmest,
Diliya
p.s. Try my 30-day Breakup Breakthrough Journal specially for those on this healing journey such as yourself -- they include prompts to help with self-reflection and in moving forward. x
