Dear Jenna,
Thank you for reaching out to me here and being so vulnerable.
First off, it is no trouble at all so there's no need for an apology. If anything, it's so so brave of you to reach out for support. 🫶🏽
I am though sorry to hear that you're experiencing troubles and tension at home and it sounds like a lot to carry. It's also completely natural to want to help and fix things at home but this isn't your responsibility so let's focus on what's best for you! Here's what I advise:-
- Focus on YOU first.
- The best thing you can do is to focus on building your life -- and since you're studying to be a beautician, diving into your studies and dreams is one of the healthiest thing you can do at this moment for yourself. Because there is no better way to build a better, stronger, healthier foundation for your stability and independence, especially when things at home aren't.
- Let go of the need to FIX everything.
- It's easy to feel the need to help fix the struggles of those we love and care about. But sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is take a step back, hold loving space and let go of the need to fix things that are out of your control -- in this case, your parents financial and relationship issues aren't yours to resolve. It is their own personal responsibility.
- Create SAFE SPACES for yourself.
- Given how things are at home, try creating little healthy escapes for yourself -- such as making a small study corner at home, spending time with a friend who is kind and understanding, or getting yourself involved in a hobby or sport that you enjoy! These little healthy escapes help you to recharge even when things may seem chaotic at home.
- Seek SUPPORT.
- Having someone that you trust can be very helpful -- perhaps speak to a friend, a teacher or even a school counsellor (if accessible). These people are your support group and sometimes just having the ability to offload and speak to someone can lighten our burdens, help us cope better or even gain clarity regarding the issues we experience.
- Keep your eyes on your FUTURE.
- Keep your vision and future in sight -- as you continue to build a path for stability and joy for yourself. This can help you stay motivated and going in tough times!
There really isn't the right way to handle this Jenna and you're already doing more than enough by caring. You're absolutely allowed to feel confused, hurt and even hopeful for things to change -- but remember, the best way forward is to focus on building your own life because honoring your needs will eventually lead to a life of peace. And maybe... this and you could be a source of inspiration for change to happen for them.
I hope this will help ease your troubles and provided a little more clarity in moving forward. Keep well hun!
All my best,
Diliya x
p.s. In any case you feel distress, you may want to try the "IMPROVE" or "ACCEPTS" skills worksheets to help you emotionally regulate.
