Dear C,
Thank you for your message and it must be a confusing time for you now not knowing who you are anymore outside of your relationship. It's actually normal to become enmeshed (or detached) when you've been together or have been cohabitating long term. As you can see, there are two ends of the spectrum and neither one would result in a healthy inter-dependent relationship. There are of course different reasons that could result in couples becoming enmeshed or too detached, and living almost separate lives from each other.
Whether the dynamic in your relationship currently is healthy or unhealthy is subjective and dependent on how you BOTH feel about it.
Of course if your husband isn't expressing his concerns and is happy to step into the role -- provide for emotionally, financially and be your sole supporter emotionally then that's amazing. Some couples grow into those roles, value their connection and time together more as time goes by, and become everything for each other (even bffs). I know some happy couples who do!
The thing is...
You can be a close couple and yet be inter-dependent on each other.
You can be a close couple and also have a life outside of your marriage.
If anything, this is a healthier dynamic for you both!
Before he entered your life, you were your own person, and getting married simply means that becomes a part of your identity but not and should not be your "everything".
Because your identity isn't just a wife -- and since this is coming up for you, it does give you the opportunity to rediscover who you are.
In my honest opinion, it wouldn't be a terrible thing for you to have a great support network outside your marriage and have other "cheerleaders" in your life!
You can begin by reconnecting with old 1friends and/or 2family that you could have been better in touch with. You may also consider getting yourself involve back into 3sports or activities that you enjoyed in your teenage years or young adulthood!
And if reconnecting with old friends doesn't work for you, because we're all constantly evolving and outgrowing our friendships, then might I suggest joining community groups for the sports and activities that you might want to get yourself back into. There's plenty of apps you can use for this and one such app is Meetup (no, this isn't a promotional post in case you're wondering).
I don't see why your husband wound not be understanding if and when you do decide to spend some social time outside the marriage.
Although, I am curious...
Have you considered asking him how he feels about your current dynamic?
Is he happy and satisfied with how close you both are?
Does he also feels like you both are enmeshed or perhaps he doesn't?
Does he have any qualms about showing up for you in all those areas you mentioned?
An open dialogue about this can be very helpful and would give you both an opportunity to evolve together, and recreate or co-create an inter-dependent relationship dynamic -- finding balance within your marriage. I hope this gives you a better idea of how to move forward and to explore what you need in gaining your independence back.
Wishing you all the best and beautiful days ahead!
Sincerely,
Diliya
